Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Thoughts On Loss + Gratitude For Life and Love


Life is short, there is no time to leave important words unsaide

Yesterday morning, I got in the car and drove south for about an hour and a half.  The sky was soft and hazy.  It had snowed overnight and the ground was blanketed in winter.  My mind became lost in thought, as I headed to pay my respects and say goodbye to a family friend.  He was the father of one of my life-long best friends, and also one of my dad's dear friends of almost thirty-five years.  He passed away last week after a sudden illness, and it was just now sinking in.  Although we stayed in touch via occasional emails, I hadn't seen him since his daughter's wedding, over five years ago.  But the memories that flooded my brain as I drove - from kindergarten through college - were profound.  Not necessarily in a serious or sad way - just very strong, as reflections on childhood and young adulthood often are.  As soon as I arrived and saw his daughter, I felt immediately overcome.  (It sounds dramatic, I know.  But there are just certain people in life with whom you have a deep connection regardless of how often you see them, and she is one of them.)  Witnessing my dad's sadness over losing his friend evoked strong feelings in me as well.  On the drive back home, I thought about what a bittersweet day it had been, where friends and family simultaneously mourned a loss and shared beautiful, hilarious stories of a person who had touched their lives for so long, then suddenly slipped away.

This was the fourth memorial of a dear friend and/or family member in the past nine months for me. Typing that out is weird, because it just seems like so much in such a short period of time.  But this is the reality of life and of growing older.  I've realized in my thirties just how much time really does speed up, and how much more frequent the goodbyes become.  I've also realized that no matter how used to loss you are, or how much of it you have experienced, each time is heartbreaking in its own way. 

There's this thing about loss though. It forces you to develop a stronger appreciation for life.  It enables you to really acknowledge the preciousness of each morning, day, and night.  And most significantly, it teaches you not to take those you love for granted.  One of my favorite quotes, by Paulo Coelho, says "life is short; there is no time to leave important words unsaid." I tell my husband, my sister, my parents, my grandmother, my parents-in-law, my nieces and nephew, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my friends that I love them every time I talk to or see them.  Every time.  And I mean it, more and more with each passing day.  Loss, as incredibly painful as it may be, has taught me how important this is. 

If you haven't yet, make sure to tell your family and friends that you love them today.  And take a few minutes to just stop and look around you.  Notice all of the little details of your life and of being alive for which you are grateful.  I promise you'll be glad you did.  Also, thank you for listening to my ramblings.  I love it that this is a place for inspiration and pretty pictures and fun clothes and decor and design, but sometimes I just gotta get a little real up in here too. 

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21 comments:

  1. Go ahead and ramble away. I feel like you tend to say the hard things really well, so as weird as it will sound, I actually enjoy these "real" posts of yours.

    I'm sorry for your (and your dad's!) loss. It sounds like the day had some high points, too, and I know you'll be focusing on those.

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  2. Love you, Melly. Thank you for sharing your reflections on life and loss - we are always here to listen. I'm so sorry for your loss...

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  3. It has been a loss-filled period at our household as well, some of which you know. A 30 year old friend unexpectedly gone, my 15 year old dog, my boyfriend's father in November, and now his best friend's father a week ago as well. Nothing is promised us, not even tomorrow... It makes you think about what strife is really "necessary" for growth and what is just plain silly to spend even a moment on.
    At 35 years old 40 and 50 are starting to look like they are just around the bend, especially with how fast the last 10 have gone. Our household is feeling especially ready to make all the coming time good time, leaving anything petty behind.
    I'm glad I stopped by again today and caught this. I have been planning to write my brother a "you are awesome" letter and today should be the day. :)
    Wishing you peace and love. You are bringing an excellent mindset to your moments of reflection and I know you'll rest in your beautiful core as you muse, absorb, assimilate, and return to creation. Much love from STL...

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  4. Such a beautiful response Julie! I know you've been through similar amounts of loss recently yourself. And you are right - your 30s make the 40s and 50s seem just around the bend. I remember older people telling me that as you get into your 30s, every year begins to go by more quickly, and that it only happens moreso after that. It's crazy. Weren't we 22 just yesterday?

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  5. I think losses remind how short life really is, and that we'd better get off our butts and do something. Sorry to hear about the loss of your friends father.

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    1. Absolutely! That is a great way to look at it. Thank you. :)

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  6. I'm sorry for your loss and your friend's loss and your father's loss(ok..so everyone's loss). It is hard sometimes to accept it. My uncle died a few years ago and I try to remember the positive parts about him than the negative. It definitely helps. I try to take advantage of being close to the people I care about but I know they can be gone really quickly.

    I make a point to speak to my grandparents often because I am very fortunate to have ALL of them alive and very lucky that 2 of them have survived cancer so I can have extra time. I know one day they will eventually pass but I certainly value my time with them now.

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    1. That is really wonderful that you have all of your grandparents and that you make sure to value your time with them. And remembering the positive parts of those we've lost is so important. That's great that you do that when remembering your uncle. xo

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  7. Loss is always difficult, but the gift of empathy can sometimes make it feel unbearable. How lovely that your friend has someone in her life who can truly see and feel with her.
    Found you via etsy's blog team:)

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  8. I think this was a beautifully worded post and you're definitely right in what you're saying. Loss does make you appreciate things more. We're all only here for a period of time, and none of us know how long that will be.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your thoughts. He must have been a wonderful person to have so many people loving him and sharing wonderful stories. Life is a beautiful thing and we need to cherish every moment. Even when we are down or things aren't going our way there is still always something beautiful to smile about. We just need to open out eyes. x

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    1. Thank you Tania. I agree - the really is always something beautiful to smile about. I think it's so important to realize this. xo

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  10. This is such a beautiful post, and really makes me think!! I remember when you lost your friends and aunt, it does seem like a lot in a short time, but you are so positive and I appreciate you reminding us to have gratitude for life and those we love!!

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    1. melissa, you are right. i agree with you. i try to tell people i love them as much as i can too. as far as keeping it real, that's what i like about your blog. you show us all these different sides of you. i am truly and deeply sorry for all your loss, but feel honored and grateful that you do treasure, and share the preciousness of your life.

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  11. This is very well written. I am so glad that as bloggers some of us choose to write posts like this one. I think it's important. :) Thanks for sharing this.

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  12. Oh sweet friend. I know the feeling all too well, we have to appreciate every single day because tomorrow is not promised. <3

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