It is officially the last day of 2015. Weird. New Year's Eve always feels a little weird, doesn't it? I'm not usually one of those people who is all, "where has the time gone?" because I think time generally feels like it's going by more quickly with each passing year as you age and that's just part of life. But without fail, each year when December 31st hits, I feel like I can't believe it. Maybe it's because November and December are such busy months and then suddenly it's all over. Or maybe it's just that it's naturally hard to grasp the last day of anything. Or maybe it's because this day also marks the final day of my current age, because my birthday is tomorrow, on New Year's Day - so a new calendar year also means a new age for me. Regardless of the reason, I always feel an element of "whoa" on New Year's Eve.
Normally I'm in a different city on this day each year, celebrating the end of the year wherever the band for which my husband works is doing their New Year's run. This year they're in Denver, but because I am due to give birth any day now, I had to stay home. And as of a few days ago, Robbie is staying home too. Without getting into too much detail, I developed some heart issues in the last couple of months - mainly something called SVT, which causes my heart to erratically beat very rapidly, sometimes to the point of fainting. Good times! I've been to the hospital five times for different tests, seen a cardiologist, worn a 24 hour holter monitor, and was eventually diagnosed with this, along with PVCs and PACs (arrhythmias). My cardiologist and OB are fairly certain that the symptoms will go away after pregnancy, but in the meantime I've been on modified bedrest. I've still been active to a degree, but I'm not supposed to lift anything, bend down, exercise at all, or do anything where I am even slightly exerting myself, blah blah blah. So between all of this and the fact that my OB thinks baby boy will come early (I am technically due a week from Saturday), Robbie's employers decided it was best for him to stay home with me. I won't lie, this was a huge relief, as not only is modified bedrest basically impossible with a toddler (who just turned two on Monday!), but I have had a deep seated fear about Robbie missing our son's birth for a while now. We feel really lucky that it all worked out. And even though we wish we could be bringing in the new year with our friends tonight in Denver, there couldn't possibly be a better reason to stay home.
Instead of spending too much time reflecting back on the details of 2015, I'll just say that on a personal level, it was another really wonderful year for me. I feel like I got two of them in a row, and for that I am so grateful. There was a series of years, from 2008-2011 or so, that were legitimately full of some of the most devastatingly tragic events of my life. But since then, things have gotten increasingly better and better, and those experiences ultimately made it so that I appreciate the good so much more. There were some heavy things that happened this year, of course, as I'm sure there were in all of your lives as well, but the majority of it was beautiful. And I'm so excited to see what 2016 brings (starting with a new little man in our lives!). On a global level, 2015 unfortunately wasn't so wonderful. Between the violence, fear, and polarity that occurred, 2016 has a lot of work to do to make things right. Everyday I hope for peace and resolution, unity and compassion, and a collective worldwide community that will be a place where my children (and all children) don't have to feel scared as they grow up. I have faith in you, 2016.
Whatever your New Year's Eve plans are, I hope that you have the time of your life. I wish I could personally thank each of you for coming here and reading our posts, for commenting and emailing, for following me over on Instagram and taking the time to interact with me there, and for being the reason that Bubby and Bean exists. See you in 2016!
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FILED UNDER: random thoughts/life